School Daze

The leaves are falling
One by one.
Summer's over
School's begun.

Today is a sad one around our household. Well, not for me and my husband. All things considered, he and I are trying hard not to dance a jig.

Because today is the last day of summer vacation.

(Insert sarcastic, mocking laughter here.)

Yes, everything is in place for tomorrow's first day of school. The supplies are bought. The backpacks and lunchboxes ready to be packed and the first day back to school outfits have been cleaned and ironed (don't be too impressed, the only other time I whip out the iron is for picture day.)

Luckily, my new job has not started yet, so I get to be here to enjoy this yearly rite of passage. I will also get the joy of embarrassing my children by taking a million pictures...but that's just gravy.

As much as I'm psyched that the kids are headed back to school it is a bittersweet event. It comes with the price tag of having to say good-bye to summer.

And I love summer.

And it's not just because I hate the long Northeast winters (but I do. I really, really do.) No, I love summer because it is a time where my senses are the most heightened. I love the way my body comes alive with the warmth of sunshine on my skin. The way my pulse instantly slows to the sound of birds singing outside my window.

But mostly, I love the silence.

I've mentioned before that we live a stones throw away from the elementary school and the junior high. During the school year, our street is a buzz of children walking to school and teachers jockeying for parking spots on our block. It can, at times, feel very invasive.

The nice thing is that I get a unique perspective from my window. Down the street, I can watch the little children with their over-sized backpacks embark on their first day of Kindergarten. I see the "big kids" in their bright yellow jackets that only the "Safety Patrol" gets to wear, so filled with importance at their responsibility. I watch across the street the "“tweens”" trying so hard to be cool yet filled with the awkwardness that only comes with adolescence. I watch the high school football players on the field across the street and how the girls giggle and whisper about who their crushes are.

I watch all of this from my window and I wonder.

I wonder how hard it will be to watch Ryan navigate this world of normal growing up, knowing that for Justin it will almost certainly be a struggle. I wonder how hard it will be on Ryan if he is popular and part of the "in" crowd and his brother isn't.

Will he be protective?

Will he be embarrassed?

Will these little children I watch, so filled with innocence, grow up to be friend or foe? Will they accept Justin as one of their own? Or will they taunt and tease?

Living here is a constant reminder of what we have to look forward to with our kids. Sometimes it's a good thing. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes thoughts like this are just a little too much to bear.

Summer vacation, brings reprieve. It allows me to exhale. It calms the chaos that is otherwise perpetually swirling in my head.

But tomorrow, school is in session again, bringing the curtain down on our blissful summer quiet. I'll pack away the summer memories along with the shorts and flip-flops.

I'll say good-bye to wandering amongst the perfume of my summer flowers.
I'll say good-bye to watching the boys chase fireflies dancing beneath the moon.
I'll say good-bye to days spent along the shores of sunny Adirondack beaches.

And I will, once again, inhale with bated breath, and wait for what is yet to come.