Escape (part1)

So, my husband and I are heading to Buffalo this weekend for his cousins wedding. His family is a lot of fun and it's sure to be a good party. What's particularly exciting is the thought of having a night away from the kids.

Mike and I are in desperate need for some fun Mommy-Daddy-alone-time. Truth be told, things here at the old homestead have been a little tense. Mike was laid off from his job awhile back and is struggling to find another. The longer the search continues, the more it is becoming a distinct possibility that I will have to resign my position as stay at home parent and go back to work instead. A daunting thought after being out of the workplace for over six years. We've also been dealing with Ryan's mood swings, as he's equal parts excited about summer vacation and anxious about the change in routine. Add to that, Ryan has pretty much decided that both his parents are "lame" and is treating us accordingly, thus making him a not so fun child to be around lately. About the only one who isn't stressed out is Justin, who is happily enjoying his 2-week vacation before he returns to school for summer session.

So, in looking through my closet for something appropriate to wear to the wedding, it became glaringly evident that I had nothing. As a stay at home mom, I rarely have the need to get dressed up, or, you know, get out of pajamas. I did have one dress, but my husband was quick to point out that it made my "boobs look flat". Yeah, not exactly the look I was going for.

Time to go shopping!

As I said, given the current tension in the house, I was thankful for an excuse to get out of the house. Hell, I was downright giddy. I didn't even feel the least bit guilty when Ryan, upset that I was leaving, pressed his tear stained face against the window and waved good-bye.

Okay, that's a complete lie. I totally felt guilty, but still I peeled out the driveway, leaving tread marks behind me.

It's about a 30-minute trip to the nearest mall and I honestly don't mind the drive. Driving in the car is one of the few opportunities I have to be alone. So, I turned on the radio and immediately smiled at the song that was playing.

Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you
I promise that I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"

Any Cure fans out there will recognize these lyrics to Just Like Heaven. I smiled because this song was a perennial favorite in the soundtrack that was my life before Mike and the boys. My life as a single gal seems so far away, but this song brought me back to that place like a hug from an old friend.

That place of hysterical roommates and lunch with girlfriends. That place of boyfriend drama and late night dancing. That place of staying up all night to talk about life while drinking too much wine.

That place of freedom and lack of responsibility.

It was fun to visit those memories, but I didn't let my mind linger there for long. Because as seductive as it is to remember those times as being carefree, they certainly weren't all fun and games. In particular, the one thing I worried about more than any other, was would I someday get married and have a family.

I remember with great clarity my 30th birthday. My friends and family threw me a surprise party and I remember thinking how lucky I was to have such wonderful people in my life. But, at the end of the night, I was alone. It just felt somewhat empty. It was just a month later that, I met Mike and we have been inseparable ever since.

The last 10 years have been a whirlwind of a ride and it's hard to believe we crammed so much into such a short period of time. A wedding, two houses, two children. Whew! No wonder I'm so damn tired all the time.

Now late night dancing has been replaced with bedtime stories and prayers. Now lunch with girlfriends has been replaced by family dinners around the table.

And while my life is certainly no longer characterized as free and lacking in responsibility, I wouldn't trade it for those days of my youth for all the tea in China.

Having said that, I still drink too much wine.

And, by the way, the dress I bought for the wedding is to die for.